Dark Night

sometimes…life is hard. hard like when you're riding a skateboard, cruising along a familiar sidewalk and you're so sure of your way that you completely miss the little pebble on an otherwise-smooth stretch of concrete and you go from cruising in real time to falling in slow motion to >>>SMACK<<< your whole body is suddenly acquainted with the finite qualities of concrete.

and it's hard. and unforgiving. and it hurts. knees, hands, elbows were all thrown in front of you to catch your fall so they get the brunt of the pain. scrapes and road rashes tell the tale and remind you every time you move again, i look back on my old journals and i see countless occasions of having to confront the concrete reality of our world - bills, debts, obligations, joblessness. situations i've gotten myself into and out of go in obvious circles and cycles. summarily, success follows and eventually back down to the valley and back at the foot of another mountain to climb.

walking through this dark valley has been full of disappointments, fake-outs, surprises of all kinds. its piling and mounting weight eventually becomes overwhelming and i can no longer bear the burden of another stark reality being revealed to me. i become crushed under the heaviness of the dark nothing of things not known and succumb to the weight of the void. i take a deep breath and disappear forever into the abyss, becoming one with dark matter. i imagine the darkness and me hurtling through vast, open, empty space, shot through infinite blackness in search of indefinite light. tearing through wormholes, exploring eternal extremities.


when things get shitty, you can almost plan on them getting shittier before they get better.

the darkest of night is just before dawn and all that.

eagerly, i await the dawn.

Life's Little/Big Lessons:

You are what you eat.
You are who you hang out with.
You are the only one who decides these things for you.

Trust your instincts. All the answers are within!
Love yourself. At the end of the day, you're all you got!
--->And you can't really love others until you love yourself, right?

Challenge yourself. Otherwise, the Universe will do it for you.

The Void

"nothing exists in the void."

That Which No Longer Serves Me...

i wonder if the snake feels pain as it sheds its skin?
i wonder if he misses the skin he sheds?
i wonder if the new, fresher skin is sensitive to light, heat, and rough terrain...?

fact is, the new skin has been there all along, developing the strength to break out into the world and have its go as the premier layer of protection. and the snake probably doesn't miss the old skin much, since the shedding is required for growth. as if scratching an itch, the snake rubs himself against a rock until the layer to be shed becomes torn, and works its way out of the shell of skin. the new skin is vibrant and the snake is free to grow until the next shedding.


"May I Shed Like The Snake, Frequently Letting Go Of The Things That Keep Me From Growth And Growing. May I Enjoy The Process Of Shedding As I Look Forward To The Changes That Come With Growth. Shedding Old Skin Means That New And Vibrant Skin Can Be Revealed. I Allow Myself To Freely Shed My Old Skin And Reveal My New Skin!"

I Am The Snake. <--Read about Snake as Power Animal

image from here

dealing with darkness?

here's some excellent advice for dark times from someone who knows a thing or two about darkness.
healing starts within. perspective is everything. i love the plethora of lessons found in simple guidance.

Focus

focusing on focus.
finding the focus.
chasing the focus.
and the subject shifts.
and you have to refocus.
and refocus because everything always changes.
paring down the distractions, it's enough to breathe, drink water, and eat nutritious food.
this is the daily focus.
that it comes so readily in our world makes it a non-issue and we're sent up the pyramid of essentials and into more daily focuses. work, relationships, friendships, and our new online obligations.

http://visual.ly/how-focus

so, in addition to getting back in touch with the essentials - the breath, water, food - shedding the things that no longer serve me frees me up to focus on the things that do. i'm finding the focus. when i look back on my past i see very much how every little choice i've made has led me to my present moment. and that's all i have. and that's all i will have when future moments become present moments. and all the choices i've made will carry me along into my future.

it's exactly like that sailing ship analogy my dad always told me growing up. it goes something like this:

when you set sail for your destination, the course you set might not be the course that you take. there are a lot of factors along your journey; wind, current, sail, the ability of the crew, inclement weather conditions...a slew of things that you simply cannot change once you set sail for your destination. the decisions you make as captain of your ship are in how you steer your ship from moment to moment. how you respond to the change in wind, making the tiny changes in your sails and rudders you decide how and if you will stay on course. the sea will always change, the weather will always change. the wind will always change. for better or worse, change will happen...the only thing you can do is steer your ship, prepare as much as you can, keep an excellent and experienced crew on hand, and keep your destination in focus so that no matter the course, you are always able to reach your goal.

thanks Pop. i dig it for reals now.

Focus gets shit done. It gets the vessel and her crew through the storm. And it keeps the ship on course. It maintains the safety of the crew security of the cargo. Focus gets you to your destination, no matter what changes along the way.

Retrospection!

rest, relaxation, reflection and recreation. they all involve a re-turn of sorts, the "re" prefix re-minds us to take another look over our work, to go back and double check everything before moving forward. as we approach another Mercury Re-trograde re-member to clean out your literal and figurative closets, re-pay debts, tie up loose ends, finalize projects, and do the inner work that we are often called to do during these times - re-set, re-group, re-focus....re-joice and re-peat!!!

Urban Survival Kit!

found this great little adaptation among Altoid hacks:

click here to view the original with a comment thread that explains each item.
Fun and practical! :)

Becoming More Myself

on the path of becoming more myself, i have encountered a number
of detours along the way. diverging from my track to explore other
territories, derailed by doubt and fear, coaxed from the trail by
curiosity, boredom, misguided hope, laziness....

i often stray from the spiritual path...and am quickly reminded
of how much more difficult Life is when i try to be something i'm not.
when i follow in another's footsteps, i lose sight of my own.
where i've been, where i am and where i'm going all gets lost
in somebody else's idea of being. all of a sudden, i look up and
i've wandered so far from my own path that i can't even see
what set me off track in the first place.

that's when i realize that it's all part of the journey.
the detours and divergent paths of distraction are
opportunities to practice what i've learned
and more importantly:
to learn what needs more practice.

it is this crucial lesson that is to be
 brought forth by such wanderings...
to become illuminated by imperfection.

basking in my own humanity i am reminded of my path;
of my own, personal journey to perfection
of becoming the perfect me
...which i already am.

remember:

a drop of positivity has the power to turn the tide 

in an ocean of despair.