New Moons

the uncertainty piles on and on.
every morning, infinite possibilities...
every night a hope for something perfect.

i wobble between hope and fear.
hope that i have chosen my path well...
fear that i have not.

hope, again, in the knowing that
there is so much i do not know....
fear that, in not knowing,
i've already missed my chance.

Hope rises, Fear falls...
Sunrise, Nightfall

Fear comes from Uncertainty...
the Void, the all consuming Darkness.

it's not fear that makes us uncertain,
it is uncertainty that makes us fearful.
not knowing everything scares us.
Not knowing the future, or our power or which way to turn
or what our choices will mean five minutes, five hours,
five years from now.

that's why all we have is Here and Now.

the New Moon is the time to plant seeds.
this is one of the most practical applications of being
present in the moment...

the Farmer knows when it's time to plant the seeds,
under the Darkness of the New Moon...
the Farmer walks up and down each row in the field
throwing seeds deep into the fertile soil.
if the Farmer were not present in planting those seeds,
there would be no food to grow. the Farmer must
be present in each stage of the process to achieve the
greater goal - Harvest for Subsistence.

once the seeds are planted, the Farmer must wait
patiently while the seed takes root. under the New
Moon we also learn rest. to chill out from the heat
of the daily hustle and bustle and to go within.
much like the seed beneath the wet, dark earth -
we require the Darkness to grow roots.

with each Sunrise, the seed is coaxed from the ground. the Light begs it forth, demanding growth and beckoning Life. with each Moon Phase the roots extend deeper, seeking nutrients, water, rest...soaking in the Darkness.

Remember to be present in the Dark of the New Moon.
Plant seeds in Season and with Love.
Tend to your Garden - water it regularly with Love and Compassion. Treat yourself gently and kindly knowing that "you reap what you sow" and what is done in Dark of New Moons will be revealed in the Light of Full Moons....that the plants that spring up from the soil of our souls are the products of our presence in each moment.

Take a moment to make a list of EXACTLY what you want from Life.
Don't be shy...write down elements of your Perfect Life. 
Put this list up somewhere where you'll see it multiple times a day.
Imagine yourself ALREADY having or ALREADY doing these things and watch your dreams unfold. 

Happy Planting!

decide to pay attention

all the secrets of the Fear Machine are being exposed. people agree more often that a fundamental shift is required to make right the litany of wrongs in our world. that shift is happening within each of us. that's our responsibility. be present...breathe...in each moment. in that God moment. in that moment when you realize that we're all connected to the great source of Light and Love and the Journey is the Prize. and in the darkness where things are unknown..each dark moment is our opportunity to love and trust ourselves and the Universe for all good things. today in my meditation i learned that "it is the Darkness that allows Life to flower and flourish."

We need that break, that change...the Feminine aspect...the Moon that changes daily...to go within...the Darkness like the womb...the void...the beginning of life. when we're born it is the Light and Breath that make the baby on the outside different than the baby on the inside. that's it. Light and Breath. and when we wake up it is because the Light wakes up our brains. our Breath shifts, a deep inhale and exhale prepares the body for the Awakening...to greet God's Only Sun whose mercies are new every morning. the Sun does not change as frequently as the Moon....the Sun is Masculinity - it is external, it is fierce, it changes by degrees throughout the year....it lights the way and gives us the spark of Life....

and truly...it is the balance of Sun and Moon, Masculine and Feminine, External and Internal, Dark and Light, Breath and Death...that make up all of Life on Earth. a beautiful spiral of sacred knowledge that is self-evident when one decides to pay attention.

Power Animals/Animal Totems

Recently i asked the Universe for a personal practice
and inclined myself to the desire to learn more about
Animal Totems or Power Animals and my Ancestors.
What followed were a series of events that allowed me
to explore all these things.



I began to look up all my animal sightings throughout
the day...and as i encountered animals i began to connect
with each animal; to engage them, to harmonize with
their being. Butterflies, lizards, birds, dogs, cats, dead animals
on the side of the road. And the more i searched, harmonized
and studied, the more sightings and messages i began to receive.
Here are a few of my favorite sites for animal totems and
their meanings:

Shamanic Journey
What's Your Sign
Star Stuffs



I spent a few weeks visiting the "folks back home" which gave
me a heavy dose of ancestor study. Driving those familiar roads
i kept seeing dead raccoons on the side, so i asked for a live encounter.
Within 48 hours i was waiting for a ride outside, late at night, when
a big raccoon visited the nearby dumpster. I sat with him for a while,
watched his methods, his grace and strength...I watched until he
waddled off and laughed with gratitude for the live encounter.

Being in a different region allowed me to explore other animals;
cardinals instead of lizards, locusts instead of monarchs, fearless
dragonflies, birds of prey and a stray dog from out of nowhere,
who sat in front of me in a very intense moment of transition.

Upon returning home to LA, i took a little trip down to my beach to
reconnect and perform a ritual asking my ancestors to join me
in my current location. I waded into the water and just as the
wave pulled out, the sand particles settled, and the water cleared,
i saw three stingrays moving along the sea floor.

Open your heart to animal totems and allow the spirits of our
animal brothers and sisters help you and guide you on your
path. This is a great meditation exercise for discovering your power animal:

Denise Linn takes 8 minutes to help you here.

and here's a fun little quiz you can take to find your power animal:

Pop Quiz! Find your Power Animal!

You can use your power animal to tap into the oneness
of the Universe. It's not magic. It's using focus and
knowledge to increase your power in the present moment.

The themes are similar; adaptation, transformation, the connection
between the sleeping and waking dreams....it is the finer points of each
animal spirit that helps us learn and grow and follow our paths with
help and faith and courage. it's what makes a kitty cat a kitty cat and
a stingray a stingray. and it's those par-tic-ular differences that make up
all the beautiful diversity of all the things in the Universe :) kind of a
happy little spiral of logic, but shit....it's all about the journey and the
present moment anyway, right? so enjoy each butterfly, each lizard,
each bear, spider, squirrel, fly, mosquito, puppy dog, and kitty cat.
give thanks to the animal spirits that sacrificed their existence to
nourish your body. honor their energy by being kind to yourself
and others. feel free to comment on your animal experiences!

love, light and all good things

ask for help

i have been seeking help from my subconscious entities
for guidance and answers for about a year.

during meditations, a test, even when doing homework
or regarding finances,  i have a panel of spirit guides
that i can call upon for help, answers, healing,
revelation, comfort, wisdom....

recently i have been visited by a bald eagle.
we took flight together and as we soared over the sea
and up towards the high cliff, he showed me his life - how

he feeds his family, their nest and perch.
we talked, perched up on the edge of the cliff, looking down
over the earth and sea below us. he was like a grandfather,

showing me the world before it - or he - passed away.
i asked about our fate as humans

here on Earth, about Earth herself, but Grandfather Eagle
only shrugged, smirking with wisdom. i was quiet.
then he looked up at me and said,
"Everything is as it has always been."
Then we took flight again as we toured the entire world -

Dense Forests, Massive Deserts, Jagged Mountains,
Infinite Jungles, Flowing Rivers and Oceans.

in another visit, we simply soared together, our silhouettes
dancing against the bright orange sun, swooping and diving
into sky, rising effortlessly towards the heavens.

i am grateful for these visits. i accept the freedom of the eagle.
the eagle is the bridge between earth and sky - i ask for help
from the eagle to go between earth and sky with ease.

excerpt from my personal studies:

as i continue to explore my role in society without the expressed guidance of a single elder or guru to show me the ways of shamanism, i've set out to read and study as much as possible the ancient history of those who have gone before me. today while reading Shamanic Voices: a survey of visionary narratives i found this paragraph to be informative and uplifting:

"The shaman, a mystical, priestly, and political figure emerging during the Upper Paleolithic period and perhaps going back to Neanderthal times, can be described not only as a specialist in the human soul but also as a generalist whose sacred and social functions can cover an extraordinarily wide range of activities. Shamans are healers, seers, and visionaries who have mastered death. They are in communication with the world of the gods and spirits. Their bodies can be left behind while they fly to unearthly realms. They are poets and singers. They dance and create works of art. They are not only spiritual leaders but also judges and politicians, the repositories of the knowledge of the culture's history, both sacred and secular. They are familiar with cosmic as well as physical geography; the ways of plants, animals, and the elements are known to them. They are psychologists, entertainers, and food finders. Above all, however, shamans are technicians of the sacred and masters of ecstasy." - pages 3-4

Updated Vision/Purpose....

From 2001: "Ephesians 6:19-20. I will preach the Gospel wherever God sends me, speaking the Truth with boldness in the city...I will mobilize believers to the mission field, equipping them with a burden for the world. I will reach out to the youth of America and abroad, tearing down the idols of the world from their lives. I will live a selfless life, making the decision to take up my cross daily to follow Jesus. I will be obedient to follow the will of God for my life by taking risks and walking in faith, according to the Spirit of God...and I will know the will of God through a personal and intimate relationship with Him. I will give my gifts and my life away for the sake of the Gospel so that the name of Jesus shall be exalted among the nations."

When I was 19 years old, I wrote this as my "Vision" or "Purpose Statement" at the end of a 3-day fast from food and talking. I'm not a Christian anymore, but it still resonates in my heart. I'd like to modify it a bit to reflect the 11 years of growth and change since:

"I will act in Love wherever I go, speaking Truth with boldness in the city...I will mobilize others to fulfill their Dreams, equipping them with a Love for Life. I will reach out to all people in my sphere of influence and live a selfless life, making the decision to have Compassion on myself and others; to Love myself and others. I will be obedient to follow the path of destiny for my life by taking risks and walking in faith; in accordance with my own desires, passions, life goals, values, and Dreams. I will know my path through a personal and intimate practice that fulfills and satisfies me. I will offer my gifts to the Universe so that Love and Peace shall be exalted among the nations."

that's better :)

as i step out into uncharted territory, i cling to what i know is true.
the language changes, but the truth remains; in some ways it is strengthened by the metamorphosis...hardy from years of tests and trials.

Do you have a vision/purpose statement for your life? > If not, don't wait - jot some dreams down today!<
When was the last time you updated your vision/purpose statement?
Has your language changed since you first put it to paper?
How? What have you learned?

seeking truth

when something is true, it's true whether you like it or not.
it's true when the going gets tough.
it's true in the height of your realization of truthfulness
and in the depths of your doubts.

truth is something that you circle back around to
after exploring the multitudes of mis-truths, half-
truths, and outright lies...and everything in between.

truth is usually the option that's not given as an option.
much like election season, we are forced into choosing
the lesser of two evils; choose the truth that hurts less.
but the truth of the matter is that we have far more
options than the ones given and apparent.

in truth-seeking, have you found ways to sift out
lies and expedite the process? what techniques
do you rely on when gauging truthfulness in
self and in situations with others? what parts of the
body are engaged in dealing with matters of truth?

i find that sleeping on a matter helps me sort out
facts from truths. since they're not the same thing and
so much of both rely on perspective, it helps to bring
my thoughts to the table of my sub-conscious for
assessment. meditation also works, especially if you
require quick results. ask a spirit guide for help or use
a physical symbol such as a stone or favorite desk toy
to bring your focus and awareness to the matter at hand.

by tuning into the truth of all things, we begin to realize
the connectedness of every thing in existence. hopefully
this leads us to greater compassion for self and others and
ultimately, the manifestation of the truest truth; which is love.

take your own advice...

as i peruse my old journals and doodles and notes and jots, time and time again i see how i knew all the answers before they became apparent to my consciousness. muddling through the details, sweating the small stuff, wondering how ever in the world was i going make it through....

looking over old texts, clearing out emails and messages, i also see tons of answers to my own questions...making me further realize that all that i need i already have within me. sometimes i just have to take my own advice.

do you look over your old journals and notes? what do you see throughout the years? do you find this kind of information useful?

if you see patterns of negativity in your personal paper trail, you can change your present course by saying (or yelling) "ok, self...listen up!! we're gonna change a few things around here, but it's for the better - so your cooperation at this time is greatly appreciated!!!"

if you mess up, forgive yourself and move on. each moment is a new opportunity. if you hit a wall, change your definition of success. make your goal something you can easily accomplish in a day.

somewhere, buried in all of us, are the all the answers we'll ever need...since we're the ones who make the questions in the first place.

facing fears through acupuncture

once during acupuncture i was not quite halfway through my session and i was starting to become fidgety and irritated. i took a few deep breaths, entered my dream body and swam to my Garden (the place in my subconscious where i go for healing, adventure, wisdom, understanding, answers, and also the place where i meet my Wise Counsel and where i enter and exit the Upper and Lower Worlds). I entered my Garden and was immediately drawn to the whirlpool of black snakes that has been there since i began my journeys within. despite my usual petrifying fear of snakes, i dove into the whirlpool and allowed the snakes to engulf me. i died a thousand deaths as the snakes covered me and i reappeared to be covered over again. i saw a snake eat me whole, shit me out and eat me whole again, repeatedly. at one point, i realized what i was imagining and just to test my fears i allowed a large snake to wrap around my neck and kill me. this happened a dozen or so times. i went back in time to particular memories of encounters with snakes and i readjusted my perceptions - i changed the dream. i felt that i had encountered the very ancient practice of acupuncture. suddenly i felt a pain in my hip. i looked down as a snake sank its fangs into my left hip, sucking the pain/negativity from my hip and shitting it out of his body in the form of rusted nails and screws. the session came to an end and i re-entered my physical body. i had a ton of energy that night and woke up early the next day still feeling refreshed. such a powerful experience!

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